There are days when simply dropping Ian off at day care makes my heart ache knowing that I am missing out on his day. Missing out on Ian building me block towers, and using my gut as a trampoline before we sit down to draw pictures that we will hang on the refrigerator door.
I have found that I can handle the ache of what I am missing out on, because I know that my working will provide Ian with so many more opportunities than if I where to stay home with him. A small consolation but an important one.
Then there are days like today, when Ian screams and clings to me when we arrive at day care. Days when I try to calm him until his care giver eventually helps me pry him from my body so I can leave for work. Days when his separation anxiety gets the better of him and he forgets that Mommy always comes back.
Days like today break my heart into a million pieces because it isn't just me aching for what we are missing out on.
I know that Ian will calm down shortly after I leave him and he will have a fun day playing with his day care friends. Then come 5:00 PM, I will go and pick Ian up from day care and he will run to me for a hug with a big smile on his face. All the million pieces of my heart will melt back together again under the strength of his tiny arms around my neck.
Later his kiss goodnight will give me the strength I will need to do it all over again tomorrow.
So goes the days of a working mom.
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